


I Guess I'm Human No More

by soitshaunted



Series: I Guess I'm Human No More AU [1]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Also the relationship is only friendship, Donna is the tenth doctor, Gen, Ten as a human companion AU, because Donna as the doctor defo loves Rose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:42:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23504032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soitshaunted/pseuds/soitshaunted
Summary: John insisted he go on the tour, even when the Doctor insisted on a relaxing visit somewhere for once. He didn't imagine walking away with his faith in humanity shaken.
Relationships: Tenth Doctor & Donna Noble
Series: I Guess I'm Human No More AU [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1848703
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10





	I Guess I'm Human No More

John was shaking. Had been shaking ever since— he cut the thought short. He’d certainly been shaking ever since the Doctor had picked him up from whatever intergalactic police station they carted the tour group to; in order to take their statements. He had to stop thinking about it. That was the problem right now, just being able to think, because he could still remember the feeling of being dragged, the shouts and group panic. He could still picture her blue eyes.

John wanted to be drunk. He wanted to dig up all his unhealthy coping mechanisms and not face the picture of humanity he had been dealt. But the Doctor had made very clear after John’s first temptation and slide down relapse that wasn’t how things were dealt here on the TARDIS.

The Doctor herself stepped over and sat besides John on the grating’s overhang, neither looked to the other as she passed him a cup of wonderfully warm tea. John, just in holding the cup, found himself more grounded, and watched as the tremors of the water subsided. A few minutes of silence and appreciation of the warm drink, and the implication of care that came with it, passed before John leaned to his side and rested weight on the Doctor’s shoulder.

She reached an arm around, and hugged him, beginning to rub his other arm, “Ah, there he is, hm. Do you want to talk about it?”

John takes his first sip to avoid answering; he’s had a bone deep revelation that he doesn’t want to discuss. He has the words for it, when has he ever not had the words for something, but he doesn’t want to say it. John’s further postponed in answering when the tart citrus flavor hits his mouth, morphing from warm oranges to sickly sweet lemons.

“What? What is this?”

The Doctor gives a quick laugh, an exhale through her nose, before answering.

“Tea from the Sapindales system; they got good at producing ‘morphing’ flavors around 4100 BC earth time. All six planets have ecosystems ready and rearing to produce the trees for their tea; a lot room and time to grow their trade. Thought you’d like the twist”

It wasn’t bad, it was just a step too close to warm lemonade for Johns taste. The Doctor looks like she’s going to launch into one of her slow lectures, designed specifically to get John impatient, they are the metaphorical pile of scarves and jumpers each mother insists their child wear before going into the snow; a token effort of delay to keep John from sprinting straight into every situation. Be it physical or emotional.

He cuts her off before she begins, “I — uh. I think I should go home.” John really can’t look at her now. He knows he’ll see her ancient eyes, glazed over with grief that reaches back far beyond the current situation, “The thing— the life form? Whatever was on that planet, it was in my head. It felt so big. I was minuscule compared to it.” The next part he says with disgust, “And those people. I don’t want to be that— I can’t handle that. They were just going to throw me out, like nothing. Out of fear. And if I can’t even calm down other humans who am I kidding in being here?”

John surprises himself with how much he’s cried since being with the Doctor. Even if it’s not all sad, some are happy cries, or not all fearful, it’s still a surprise; like a water with thirty years of pent up pressure finally bursting through it's dam.

His cup is set aside, and he just keeps swiping and rubbing his face raw, but the tears keep coming now that they’re here—- _it feels like this is never going to end._

And for all the pressure that builds up in his chest, ironically it is the warmth and _weight_ of arms wrapping around his torso that eases it. Some unknown tension is cut, and John feels like a rag doll as he slumps into the full body hug. Even in the grasp of the entity, he had been tense and taunt— in the weightlessness of the embrace John could even say he had not felt this at ease for the last ten years.

She hums a bit into his hair, even though it’s different, it feels the same as the tunes John catches her humming in the night, when she forgets she’s not alone.

When she speaks it’s quiet, the whole ship feels still now, “You can leave if you want. I won’t stop you, but I think right now, you’ve seen one of the darkest parts of the universe, and it’s hard to come down from that. Things will be dark, they’ll be ink. But it’s just like your art John; even though there’s dark, that’s not the whole painting, there’s gotta be light in there too.”

John doesn’t know what to say back, if a response is even necessitated, he’s spent his whole life talking but now he’s wordless. Later, he will blame it on not knowing how to discuss his own art, even in metaphors to pain, to lessen the vulnerability of the moment, and the rawness of his new wounds.

He doesn’t say anything, and she begins to hum again, and as he drifts off, he can even pretend to hear the TARDIS humming too.

**Author's Note:**

> I've seen a couple fics with the Doctor and the human companion switched, and I really liked that premise. I have like loose backstory for John's version of Donna's joining events so let me know if you're interested in seeing that; I might get the motivation to write little story one shots for this in the future. I envision Ten! Donna as like, Mom!Nine, like still rough and bitter, but more quick to settle in the caring role. Anyways Rose also has a bi crisis in this universe


End file.
